This is one of the few articles I hesitate and ponder well before writing and posting. In fact, it would have joined the stream of unpublished articles in my archive if not for the alarming statistics of men and women watching pornography. Report shows that 68% of “Christian men” view porn on regular basis.
Knowing how I once struggled with porn myself, I write this article to help people battling with pornography, and people interested in helping partners who are addicted to pornography. Never assume that a man or woman (or your partner) is sexually upright because he/she appears cool. The mind of a man is like a deep well, and it takes understanding to know his mind and help him.
At a period of my life, I watched porn and I scrambled through different stages of lust. Growing up as a naïve and innocent church boy who knew nothing about sex, my first encounter was an accidental gaze at a magazine at a newspaper vendor point. At the first glance, it looked quite disgusting to me. But as the graphics gradually sank in, the desire started growing. Out of lustful curiosity, I organized my path to frequently cross more vendors in order to see more magazines. Little did I know that lust is never satisfied; once lust is explored, it keeps intensifying.
With exposure to internet service, the desire for more graphics escalated as vast unimaginable amount of pornography became easily accessible. Before God eventually saved me and healed my memories, I was already becoming an upcoming addict inwardly, even though I still maintained my saintly composure. Now, I have come to realize that nobody is above sexual lust; sexual lust is not a respecter of persons, gender, age or anointing. It can trap an anointed person like King David and imprison a young boy in pre-teens. Some researchers believe that an average boy sees his first porn at 11.
Pornography does several things to a man/woman physically, emotionally, sexually and spiritually. As the mind consumes more images, the images consume the mind by releasing chemicals responsible for the excitement, leading to uncontrollable desires for sex usually expressed as masturbation. Porn addiction is similar to cocaine addiction. Dr Victor Cline said: sex and porn can be a more difficult addiction to break than cocaine. Some porn victims graduate into rape and serial killers, like Ted Bundy.
Addiction to pornography will not only ruin the mind, but it may also destroy the marriage and family. Porn isolates a man from his reality and puts him in a world of fantasy and illusion. When men and women that fail to conquer their lustful appetite become parents, they usually open the door to infidelity and incest in their family. The weaknesses parents fail to conquer become molesting mountains for their children. Some children struggling with pornography never know that one or either of their parents has the same issue. And the children always seek to “do greater works” than the parents. What inheritance are you passing to your children?
How to Overcome Pornography Addiction
Job is one of the men I respect so much in the Bible, and he said something: I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl (Job 31:1). If God could save me from the desire, yoke and bondage of pornography, and then He can save you if you will apply yourself to the following things:
1. Get Connected:
Sin became a genetic dysfunction when Adam and Eve sinned. This is why New Year Resolutions and other Help books can only suppress the appetite for a while. Long lasting freedom comes only by accepting the truth – Jesus.
2. Mind Renewal:
Many people don’t know that the mind is a sex organ. Sex begins in the mind; this is why Jesus said “adultery starts in the heart before the act.” If you can control what enters your mind, then you can control your thoughts and desires. 2 Corinthians 4:8
3. Sex-Discipline
Sexual Discipline is possible, Job did it, and so can you. We have heard about self discipline, but few know about sex discipline. Sex discipline is exercising self control in sexual matters; this could be by deliberately controlling what you see and hear. A mentor once told me, you cannot always control what you see, but you can control taking a second gaze. Usually, the first look is usually harmless, but it is an invitation for further tour. That is how the journey begins
When a man or woman is not strong enough to abstain from sexual lust, he/she falls prey of masturbation and other sexual acts. Like all other sins, lust cannot be satisfied; it keeps exploring more ways to attain satisfaction.
4. Accountability
Accountability is the foundation for Integrity. A man or woman that lacks accountability will keep abounding in unfaithfulness. Every married couple should be accountability partners to one another and to God.
Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed means they shared everything together; they were in a state of absolute transparency. Can your spouse trust you with his/her secret weaknesses?
Like most bacteria that flourish in dark moist environment, sexual weakness too thrive when concealed. Keeping your sexual weakness in the dark will only strengthen it because sin thrives in the dark. Sexual sin is a sin against both God and your spouse, hence you need to confess and repent to both. Having an accountability partner can save your life and marriage. Don’t be ashamed of admitting your weaknesses to your partner.
This may actually be difficult especially for men; it takes a lot of gut, and few strong men can attempt it. I remember the day I stumbled on an explicit video and lingered on to satisfy my lust. I apologized to God, but I knew that was not enough, I also apologized to my fiancée. It takes humility to do this, and God honors this by giving grace to the humble. You cannot keep your pride and save your marriage, you have to sacrifice one for the other.
5. Finally, embrace Grace.
Some people set stringent laws to avoid falling into temptations. Unfortunately, like the last of Moses does, they become awake to their weaknesses and keep falling off the sexual cliff. However, Grace takes the struggle off your shoulders by empowering to live above Sin. Grace is does not just release you from Sin, it also empowers you to live above Sin.
I hope this article blessed you. Feel free to drop your comments below, testimonies and questions.
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