So, what are you contributing to your relationship? Part 1 (Leadership)

As Brian Tracy says, eat the frog now. Let us face some questions many couples shy away from. I believe the right answers would minimize conflicts in marriages and promote cooperation.

God has not changed his mind about marriage. It is still not good for a man to be alone; the family unit is designed to be a confluence of resources and uniqueness. Don't compete with your spouse, instead explore to complement.

LEADERSHIP

 What is the role of the husband and wife in family leadership?

"The Husband is the "HEAD" of the family. "

The headship of the husband is not a suggestion but an obligation. God made the husband the head so that he can be held responsible. Anytime a man fails to provide leadership to his wife and family, chaos occurs like it did for Adam and Eve. The husband determines the pace of his family, and the grace in his family.

Any man that abuses or manipulates his wife because he is the "head" of the house is ignorant and confused. The purpose of the headship is not to oppress but to protect your wife and your home.

I agree with Dr Myles Munroe, “the purpose for the privilege of power is to facilitate the productivity and development of those to whom one has been given responsibility.”

A man that cannot lead his wife will be unable to lead his children; neither will he be able to others.

When it comes to family leadership, one of the families God recommends is. Abraham and Sarah

Isaiah 51:2 says: Look unto Abraham your father, and unto Sarah that bare you: for I called him alone, and blessed him, and increased him.

 How did Abraham and his wife become a reference point for generations after them?  The answer is this:

For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him  (Genesis 18:19)

Please note the statement: "he will command his family after him." In other words, Abraham will obey and me and command his household to follow him. Leadership by Example!

Abraham was not just a good husband to Sarah, he was also a good father to Isaac and his entire household. This explains why Isaac was willing to lay down his life on the altar for sacrifice without Abraham’s manipulations? He trusted his father. Indeed, Abraham had taught him the way of the lord. 
 

As a husband, or intending husband, make up mind to follow suit. It is quite unfortunate today that we have so many husbands that give commands to their families, while they silently exclude themselves. 

"The Wife provides Followership"

I heard someone say that, followership is a type of leadership. I totally agree. Every good leader is a good follower, every bad follower will make a bad leader.

The controversies around the equality of man and woman in the world must not creep into our marriage system. Any philosophy that dispels the differences in male and female, their uniqueness and their need for each other, would only help in increasing the divorce cases in the society. Our philosohies cannot alter the truth of God’s word. 

Followership is not a sign of weakness, but strength and wisdom. It takes humility to follow and God gives grace to the humble. Proud women make bad wives, and pride triggers rebellion.

Do you remember the story of Queen Vashiti, the proud wife king Ahasuerus? Her story taught me a great lesson. When a man has a rebellious wife, his leadership will be threatened; and his entire life may be destabilized. And, rebellion starts from little acts of pride. I don't need to cite examples of these acts...

Good followership from a wife gives stability to her home; and it helps the husband to focus on his assignment. According to King Solomon, every wise woman builds her house but the foolish destroys it with her hands. (Proverbs 14:1)
 

The Wife determines the Reputation of her Husband. As a woman, please understand that the way you follow the leadership of your husband will determine his reputation. 

The husband of the virtuous woman is “known in the gates, when he sits among the elders in the land.” (Proverbs 31:23). In the same vein, a wife can catalyze the growth or death of her husband’s work and ministry through the quality of her followership. Remember, good followership gives a man balance and helps him focus. That is why they say: beside every successful man, there is a wonderful woman.

Someone may ask: how can a woman submit to a man, when she is more matured than him spiritually, financially, academically, or otherwise. 

Well, I don't know what to say, but the bible does. The words says: Likewise, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that if any do not obey the Word, they may also be won without the Word by the conduct of the wives (1 Peter 3:1)

Your situation cannot change God’s word. Don’t leverage on his inadquacies to hijack/mock his leadership. You are his missing rib and you have what he needs; support him and bring out the king in him while you take your place as his queen.

ACTION!!!

Dear Husband, 

There is a difference between leadership and rulership. A ruler commands but a good leader teaches and leads by example. Spend time with your wife and family to teach them God's word. Inspire them like Jesus inspired his disciples. Jesus never forced his disciples to do anything even though he was their leader. He inspired to voluntary followership.

Dear Wife, 

You can make your husband a great leader by becoming a great follower. Wherever a woman competes against her husband, she uses her hands to destroy her home. Build your home through wise followership.