Tonight I'm going to give a brief summary of our series on communication.
I'm going to list out a number of practical steps on how to improve our communication skill, it's a short summary of all we've been talking about since the beginning of this month.
So if you've not been around since we started this series, this is your opportunity to get something.
The importance of good communication in a relationship can't be over emphasized
A relationship can barely survive without an effective and good communication.
Dr Myles Munroe said "Communication is to love what blood is to life"
In other words communication is very important to our relationship the same way blood is essential for life.
Effective communication = Healthy relationship
Communication is an art/skill that must be learned deliberately.
Learning the art of communication yields the rewards of fulfilment and intimacy in our relationship.
Bear in mind that learning the art of communication is a journey of a lifetime.
Let me start by saying that
Communication is important for you to know what is in the heart of your partner
Without communication you might not be able to know the mind of your partner
Lets move straight to the steps involved in developing effective communication
Steps:
1. Develop a right heart
This is the foundation to an effective communication
For our communication to be right and Godly, our heart must be right.
Remember we speak out of the abundance of our heart.
2. Create the right and conducive environment for your partner to sincerely express his/herself.
There can't be good communication in an atmosphere of strive.
Even God can't move in an atmosphere of strive.
Strive causes division
The right atmosphere for an effective communication is an ATMOSPHERE OF LOVE, & TRUST
Be welcoming and ready to communicate, don't put your partner off.
Establish and maintain an atmosphere of trust and grace in communication.
3. Be totally open and honest.
Be ready and willing to lay your heart bare.
Be yourself, be honest and real in expressing how you feel, both in action and in words.
For instance: Don't pretend to be fine, when you're not fine
The greatest and deepest level of communication is that in which two different people are totally open and intimate with each other.
4. Be sensitive and understanding
Be sensitive not just to the words your partner is saying but most importantly to his/her non verbal gestures.
Non verbal gestures like, facial expressions, body language could explain a lot about what your partner is saying.
It helps to understand what your partner is trying to communicate to you.
Dr Myles Munroe said "The key to effective communication is understanding"
5. Listen
Dr Myles Munroe also said "The key to understanding is listening"
Listening is very important in achieving effective communication.
Although its a topic on its own but it is an integral part of communication.
Epictetus, a first century Greek philosopher says we have two ears and one mout so that we can ear twice as much as we hear.
David in the bible heard God twice.
He said:
God spoke once, but I heard it twice that “Power belongs to God.”
In order to understand our partners point of view, we have to take time to listen closely when they talk.
“He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.”
What happens most of the time is that we are always busy thinking of what to say next.
Especially when there's an argument, nobody listens, everyone is just waiting for his/her turn to talk.
Everything we hear we filter through our believe and value.
Good listening involves reaching beyond our filter to hear what the other person is trying to say.
6. Be courteous
Be friendly and kind in your speech.
Courtesy is actually an exercise of love. It's an outward acts of Love
Our goal should always be, to communicate love and grace to our partners
“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
7. Choose the right timing
Prov 15:23 says
An appropriate answer brings joy to a person, and a WELL-TIMED WORD is a good thing.
I spoke last week about right timing and I gave an illustration
I said:
If a man comes knocking at your door very early (let's say at exactly 3:30am) in the morning screaming 'Good Morning'
Would you like it?
And we responded wit 'No'
Without taking this important step, you’re likely to communicate the wrong thing.
The purpose of the greeting is being forfeited because of its timing
8. Let your 'Yes be Yes' and 'No be No'
Say what you mean and mean what you say
This shows that you have to think over your words over and over before you say them.
Psalm 12:6 says
The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times
This implies that God knows the importance of his word so he proves his words seven times before he declares it.
God is a God of integrity, he does not tell lies
God doesn't talk anyhow, he means what he says , and he says what he means.
9. Don't bring up the past
Deal with the issue at hand rather than bringing up the past, the discussion might end up clumsy if there are too much issues to deal with at a time.
Don't put the blame on your partner or point accusing finger for what he/she did in the past.
God doesn't bring up our past mistakes when communicating with us
10. Don't assume
If you have doubt about anything as regards what your partner said, please ASK him/her.
It could be very costly to assume.
Don't jump into conclusion by assumption or generalizing.
For instance people have general believes about women.
Clarify and paraphrase what your partner is saying
11. Increase your knowledge about communication
Knowledge is power.
My people perish because of lack of knowledge.
You can't give what you don't have
For you to be able to communicate well, you need to have a broad knowledge about communication.
Remember I said at the beginning of this teaching that Communication is an art/skill that must be learned deliberately.
So one of the ways to learn communication skill is by knowing what it entails.
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