Communication is very essential in a relationship. At the core of every healthy relationship is the ability of every partner to communicate effectively with each other. Your communication determines the strength or weakness of your marriage.
Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” A word spoken well is so precious because it can do a lot of good in your relationship. Communication is the act of transferring information from one place to another. Communication is the bridge that brings two different people together. It is one of the ways of expressing love to our partners
There are two basic types of communication: Verbal communication and Non - Verbal communication
Higher percentage of all communication is nonverbal, but this evening we are going to be considering Verbal communication.
God is a communicator, he communicates to us through his word (written word) and his Spirit. Mathew 4:4 says Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceed out of the mouth of God. This shows us that God speaks.
We are made in the image of God, so we are communicators too. There are basically two things that can influence your communication skill; Perception and God's word.
1. Perception
The way you perceive your partner will determine how you communicate with him/her. For instance if a man perceive his wife to be a punching bag or an house maid, he'll communicate with her based on his perception.
2. God's word
The amount of God's word you take in will definitely influence your communication skill. Luke 6:45
A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh. What you fill your heart with will determine your ability to communicate well.
There are appropriate words to be said in a relationship. Appropriate kind of Words
1. Words of Kindness
What makes a word kind is the manner in which it is said, the tone used, and the volume of the voice.
"I Love You" could mean different things depending on these three criteria.
"I Love You" said with so much tenderness is different from "I Love You?" said harshly. Love is kind and for us to be able to communicate Love verbally we are to use kind words.
2. Words of encouragement
To encourage means to literally fill your spouse with courage. Good words of encouragement will make your partner to be courageous. There are hidden and dormant potentials in your partner that need words of encouragement. Encouraging words have a way of ministering strength to your partner.
I Thessalonians 5:11(ISV)
So then, encourage one another and build each other up, as you are doing. God himself is an encourager, he encouraged Joshua several times in Joshua 1:7&9
3. Words of correction
In a relationship you should both be honest and sincere with each other. Speak the truth in love. Any correction done should be done in love and behind closed doors. Your spouse short coming should not give you the liberty to correct your spouse in public.
These are just few out of the kind of words that should be used In a relationship. The bottom line is our words should minister Grace to our spouse.
It should be words that edify, not words that can tear him/her down.
Ephesians 4:29 says Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
There are certain things to consider when developing a good communication skill.
1. Responsibility
Taking responsibility for your communication is very key. It helps your willingness and determination to improve on your communication skill. It involves putting in your time, effort, resources etc
2. First response
Being in a position to respond to a conversation gives you the leverage to determine the direction and outcome of the conversation.
There are two possible outcome you can get from a conversation; conflict or agreement.
Proverbs 15:1 (NET version) says A gentle response turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath. So your response will determine if your conversation will end in any if these two outcomes.
Let's look into Luke 20:19-26
The scribes came to Jesus with the intention of trapping him, but Jesus discerned their craftiness and he gave them the right response
25 And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar's, and unto God the things which be God's.
26 And they could not take hold of his words before the people: and they marveled at his answer, and held their peace.
3. Proper timing
A writer: Rob Flood once said
"The success of a conversation can be maximized if the timing of the conversation is carefully chosen"
Have a proper timing for your conversation with your partner. Timing determines the readiness of your partner to listen to you.
Proverbs 15:23 says An appropriate answer brings joy to a person, and a well-timed word is a good thing. (ISV)
4. Understanding
You necessarily don't need oratory to communicate well with your spouse what you need is UNDERSTANDING.
This is critical to developing a good communication skill with your partner
It could be considered in two ways
*Understanding to pass a message across rightly
*Understanding to receive a message rightly.
*Understanding to pass a message across rightly
Understanding helps you to know what to say, what not to say as well as when to say something and when not to say something.
It will help you communicate your mind to him/her in a way he/she will understand.
Lack of understanding could make you to misquote or misinterpret what your partner is saying.
*Understanding to receive a message rightly.
Have you ever been in a situation where your partner meant one thing when he/she was talking to you but you heard something else.
For you to be able to understand your partner you have to incline your ears.
Prov 17:22 (NET version)
Incline your ear and listen to the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my instruction.
To achieve good result being the recipient these three things are important
-Pay rapt attention
This positions you rightly to hear and understand what your partner is saying.
-Listen
It's the time to listen not to speak.
You could be tempted to speak especially if we don't agree with what you hear.
-Clarify or reassess the word you've received.
You can clarify by paraphrasing what you've heard to be sure if your interpretation is correct.
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