- We've been talking about courtship since the beginning of this month.
And I'm sure its been a blessing to us
Tonight we're going to be talking about 'Physical Intimacy'
We will look specifically into "How to set boundaries in a relationship"
Many people are being put under pressure when it comes issues on physical intimacy.
Pressure from friends, partners, the society .etc.
They really don't know when and how to draw the line.
During courtship, although it is important to develop intimacy, it is also equally important to be mindful of unhealthy intimacy. This is kept in check by setting boundaries.
Therefore appropriate boundaries has to be set.
What do I mean by the word Boundaries?
There are three aspects to boundaries
1.Boundaries are walls or barricades to protect your courtship from unhealthy situations or habits.
Two aspects*
2. Boundaries are also powerful tools to develop love, responsibility and freedom. A relationship without boundaries is opened to extremities.
* Boundaries are important for two reasons.
#FIRST, they are for DEFINITION. Boundaries define us.
Your boundaries decide your values, level of discipline, and respect for your partner.
If you cannot set boundaries or respect the boundaries of your relationship, it will be difficult to exercise self control or self discipline, even in marriage.
#The SECOND function of boundaries is PROTECTION
Boundaries protect the good of your relationship and guides against the bad.
When people fail to draw out clear lines around what they must do and must not do during courtship, they naturally expose themselves to unhealthy and destructive influences
#Setting boundary is an act of wisdom
It protects you from good looking evils.
Proverbs says "the prudent shall see danger and hide from it" proverbs 27:12
For example, your partner should know what you can or cannot do
* can you visit an opposite sex and stay together in suspicious atmospheres (either with or without sexual intentions)
* do you talk about your relationship problems anywhere to just anyone?
* what boundaries do you have with the opposite sex? Can they handle you or talk to you anyhow?
BOUNDARIES PROTECT OUR RELATIONSHIP BY TELLING PEOPLE WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT TOLERATE.
Types of boundaries that need to be set
A. Boundaries of Words
Have you learnt how to say NO without feeling guilty? That is one of the greatest skills you can develop
Be honest about your disagreements and be ready to say NO.
In establishing boundaries, you must learn the art of saying NO to compromises and situations.
B. Boundaries of Truth
Resolve to stay truthful no matter what. Have an absolute zero tolerance policy when it comes to deception.
Adam and Eve were naked but unashamed , this refers to a state of absolute truth and transparency.
C. Boundaries with other People
Be mindful of how you allow people into the details of your relationship. Discern advisors from gossipers and mockers.
Also, some people may look harmless but will only succeed in creating emotional distance between you and your partner.
D. Boundaries around your Values
Don't encourage relationships that thrive on compromising your values and integrity.
Also be sensitive and know when relationships have passed their deadlines.
E. Boundaries of Closeness
Control your feelings, and know when it is better to create a physical distance between you. This can protect you from misbehaviours.
To conclude I'll like to talk a little about boundaries as it relates to sexual purity in a relationship
There's a level of closeness that can lead to misbehaviors in courtship.
So what should be your appropriate level of physical closeness in your relationship?
Let's look into Gods Word
Ephesians 5:3 (NIV) says But among you there must not be even a HINT OF SEXUAL IMMORALITY, or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people.
Note the word "Hint of Sexual Immoral"
Although the bible does not give a list of the physical activities that are approved before marriage.
But we need to understand that Sexually related activities are dangerous because they will only stir up your desire for more.
Its like setting up a fire that cannot be quenched.
Therefore the appropriate level of physical intimacy should be that which will not stir up desire for the main act "Sex".
Sex is not a casual thing, it is holy and has great value.
It is the highest form of expression that you can give another person.
The word Holy means " Set apart"
It means Sex is set apart for Marriage.
Sex and sexually related activities within marriage is pleasurable, and God designed it to be enjoyed withing the confines of marriage.
Songs of Solomon and several other Bible passages (such as Proverbs 5:19) clearly describe the pleasure of sex.
Finally ....
How to set physical boundaries?
1. Honesty
There are two sides to honesty
- Be honest with yourself
-Be honest with your partner
2. Guard your thought
Don't feed your fantasies with things that can stir up lust in you
Prov 4:23 - says to guard your heart with all diligence .....
3. Prayerfully set boundaries
Talk about your values and come to an agreement
Alright that's where I'll draw the curtain for tonight
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Love Umbrella at 14:58
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