The goal of this series on Courtship is to achieve the following:
1. Developing Spiritual Intimacy
2. Minimize conflicts before and during marriage by Increase your understanding of your partner.
3. Developing Emotional Intimacy through communication
4. Understanding the strengths and weaknesses of your spouse
When you marry a Man/Woman, you've married a Spirit, who has a Soul and lives in a Body.
Oneness of Marriage cannot be achieved without an understanding of this 3 dimensions.
Today, I will be narrowing on Oneness in the Soul. The story of David and Jonathan shows that it is possible for 2 Souls to be knitted together (firmly joined together)
And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. (1Samuel 18:1)
Please Note, the level of intimacy of the soul determines certain things in your relationship such as:
1. Friendship Level
In other words, the level of friendship you enjoy with your partner.
True friendship starts when the souls are intimate and yearn for each other.
2. Conflicts Level
Soul Intimacy also determines the frequency of your conflicts and how easily they are resolved.
3. Agreement in Decision Making
Soul Intimacy determines how easily you agree with one another, during complicated situations.
Let me quickly do some theoretical framework:
The Soul has three compartments:
A. The Will,
B. The Mind, and
C. The Emotions
A. THE WILL:
The will is the sit of decision. This is a very VITAL part of every relationship, because it takes the will of two people to be one before they can decide to start marriage
At divorce too, the will also plays a crucial role. The strength and the success of every marriage is reliant on the level of Oneness of the Will. However, Oneness of the will is quite a difficult task. Infact, it was very difficult for Jesus because his will was different from the fathers will.
Hence, SUBMISSION of WILL is recommended for the health of your relationship. Submission is a topic for another day. But Submission occurs when you promote your partners will above your own will, irrespective of the emotional feelings or sacrifices involved.
However, for Oneness of the Soul to be achievable, you have to develop mastery over your *Mind and
*Emotions. This is related to what some people call Emotional Intelligence.
B. THE MIND:
Please note that mind is essentially the life of the soul because it DETERMINES the status of the Will. Your mind is your intellectual/rational faculty, and it contains your
Consciousness, Intelligence, Memory...
In simple words, your mind processes your thoughts and it is responsible for your:
Imagination,
Recognition,
Appreciations,
Feelings and EMOTIONS
Two important parts of the Mind that usually decides the measure of understanding is the Memory and the Imagination.
The MEMORY contains the details of your past and it decides your value system, your paradigms and how you respond/react to situations. Usually in a relationship, it is very important you are familiar with the memory system of your partner, because he/she will not usually hear what you say, but what their mind interprets.
Understand where your spouse is coming from, the experiences that governs his/her judgments, her paradigms about different aspects of life.
Your Memory usually controls your Imagination.
For example,
a) the guy that grew up with a family where girls are unfaithful will find it very difficult to trust her partner with male friends.
b) the lady that never knew love may misinterpret some expressions of Love.
c) the guy that comes from a family where hot temper or malice is a norm will find it easier to launch slaps on his partner's face...
The list is endless.
Hence, courtship period is a time to renew your minds and ensure that you have a way of thinking that is in line with God's word. The bible says Let this Mind also be in you which was also in Christ.
If you and your partner have different minds, it will lead to Division of will and conflict of Emotion.
Finally,
C. THE EMOTIONS
Your Emotions refer to your feelings and they usually end up influencing your decision. Most times, when you feel love for someone, it is your emotion that was doing the Job
When you feel hate towards someone, it is an expression of emotions. Your emotions most of the time determines your reaction to things.
Submission is only needed when their is no emotional discharge towards something. For instance, you don't need to submit to your husband to go swimming if you have been longing for it in your mind.
The way we react to situation is different. We can determine our reaction to situations by learning to balance our emotions and will.
Generally, emotions vary with genders and individuals. It is important you know the emotional peculiarity of your partner and you both develop emotional intelligence.
Summarily,
You think with your MIND and it releases EMOTIONS that determines the decisions of your WILL.
PRACTICAL WAYS OF DEVELOPING EMOTIONAL INTIMACY!!!
COMMUNICATION
Communication is an important way to achieving emotional intimacy
Communication is a medium of exchanging perceptions on issues.
For communication to be fruitful, several things are needed:
1. Trust
Can your partner trust you with his/her emotions, thoughts, and feelings with no form of fear?
Determine to be a trustworthy confidant.
2. Freedom
Be free to be yourself and encourage him/her to be his/herself.
Do activities that will ensure that you both understand yourselves well
3. Transparency
Transparency involves that you discuss more intimately about your finances and other confidential part without distorting the information.
Set a regular schedule to have a deep heart to heart talk with your partner.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Nakedness here could mean total oneness in communicating with your partner
4. Strengths and Weaknesses
Voice out your strength and weaknesses to your partner
Your partner has his/her strength or weaknesses.
What adds value to the relationship is your strength and what weakens your relationship is your weakness.
You need to know and acknowledge your limitation
Then seek solution to these limitations together.
This makes you less vulnerable to outside interference and creates an internal integrity between you both
P.N: Ignoring your weakness does not make it go away else it grows and multiply.
5. Agree to Disagree
Deal with any misunderstanding that arises
Learn to get the issue out on the table and deal with it, respecting each others opinions.
Don't be quiet about issues that arises between you too. Don't sweep issues under the table. Deal with them maturely and grow up together.
This will prevent such issue from reoccurring, and also develop trust between you and your partner
Finally, you will keep learning new and new things about your partner everyday. Be open and willing to entertain lapses. He/She is not perfect and may never be perfect.
Perfection in marriage is not a destination and it takes your collective conscious effort.
Remember, it takes TWO to Tangle.
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