The lessons from tonight's teaching are important and applicable to all areas of life.
1.0 Introduction
Someone said "Life is full of exits and beginnings." In other words, what we will be doing for a large part of our lives is building new relationships and exiting old relationships..
You will keep building relationships with friends, neighbors, families, colleagues, and exiting old ones.
However, success in life is determined by your ability to place VALUES on the People in your life, and determining how much of your time to give to them.
Unfortunately, many Men build successful careers at the expense of their families.
Reaction to Time separates successful relationships from unsuccessful ones.
Many relationships enter into 'coma' because the couple had imbalanced priorities: career, ministry, business,.... family!
What shall it profit a Man, who reached the top of his career before discovering that he is all alone without Lover or Children.
Don't misquote me, career and ministry are good, but never leave your family out of your success planning. The real success is when YOU SUCCEED BOTH WITH YOUR FAMILY BY YOUR SIDE.
Success in Family, is like preparing for an exam (if not harder). It requires knowledge, planning and action.
Knowledge: Don't waste your energy unnecessarily trying to please. You can do a little thing that makes a big difference. That little thing is your spouse's love language
The big difference is the Love Tank.
Planning: Don't leave things to chance. Some Men will say ... When I have time! That never happens because activities will always fill up your time. Don't look for available time for your family, instead CREATE TIME FOR THEM. Add them to your priorities.
I'll be concentrating on how to invest 'quality time' in your relationship, and what to expect.
2.0 Why Quality Time?
Usually, when a relationship freshly starts, the guy's blood is still on fire, and he wants to always be around the girl. 5hours phone call is like 5minutes.
Spending time together is a priority, either on phone or face to face.
However, as the relationship enters the next level, marriage, the fire suddenly starts going down and they gradually turn from lovers to room mates.
When you lost the desire to please each other, you are no longer lovers, but roommates.
Just living together as couples is not enough to make a good home or to keep Love alive in your relationship.
After few years of marriage couples tend to loose the excitement and the in-love experience they had earlier in their marriage especially when the children show up.
3.0 What is Quality Time
It is not just enough to invest TIME in your relationship.
In a relationship, you can either invest Quantity time, or Quality time... Let's draw a line between Quality time and Quantity time.
The man that invest quantity time, spends a long time with his spouse but tries to achieve other things in the process.
The man that invests quality time,spends 'time's with his spouse, but gives undivided attention, listening and focus on the period.
Quality time can be defined as the time spent that brings you closer and more intimate with your spouse.
Quality time also mean to give your spouse your undivided attention.
When you invest Quantity time, you satisfied yourself, when you invest Quality time, you satisfied your partner (spouse, children, God)
When you invest Quality Time into your relationship, you cleave to your spouse.
Gen 2:24 says Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Cleaving is a continuous thing to do not a one time thing.
The word 'cleave' in this bible verse does not just mean coming to live under the same roof.
It means to cling or stick to, to be joined together or to pursue close.
The New Testament Greek word for cleave as seen in Mark 10:7.
Means to glue upon, glue to, to join one's self to closely, stick to.
It is used to description a strong bond.
It is not possible for couples to stay glued together if they don’t spend time together.
Men and women are wired differently. Hence, quality time usually have different meaning to men and women.
To most men quality time might mean playing game or watching football.
But to many ladies it means sitting to talk.
So we should learn to accommodate our differences.
#Learn from God, Our Father .
When fellowshipping with God, he demands our undivided attention. That's why we close our eyes, to avoid distractions. Our relationship with our spouse should also model our relationship with God.
God values and cherish quality time or fellowship.
We were made to fellowship with God.
Remember in the garden of eden, God comes in the cool of the day to fellowship or spend time with Adam and Eve.
Find the cool of the day (it could be daily, weekly, depending on the schedule) and spend time with your spouse and family.
#Learn from Jesus
Mark 3 :-14 says And he ordained twelve, that THEY SHOULD BE WITH HIM, and that he might send them forth to preach.
Jesus called his disciples first, to BE WITH HIM and then he might send them forth
Two things happen during Quality Time Investment
A. Togetherness: An emotional bonding. Your focus is not because you enjoy the 'activity', but because your spouse feels loved when you participate in it.
B. Understanding: Listening to understand, not to reply. Listening to thoughts, fears, and desires. Listening makes understanding and agreement easy.
IF YOUR SPOUSE ClANNOT TELL YOU HIS/HER SECRETS, FEARS, DREAMS... THEN HE/SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU ENOUGH.
TRUST IS BUILT WITH TIME, INVESTMENT OF QUALITY TIME.
4.0 Distractions from Quality Time Investment
We usually get so engrossed with work, ministry, ambitions, career and barely have time to spend together.
Solomon talks about 'little foxes' that can damage the vine. What are these little foxes?
The world move very fast. There are lots of things contending for our attention. These things can get in the way of spending quality time with your spouse.
All these responsibilities could be little foxes that can spoil your vine of love.
Activities and Responsibilities will always be present, but with Wisdom, you can effectively "manage" your time to grow your dream relationship.
One of the best things that can happen in your relationship is for spouse to feel loved by you. That's is after you have communicated his/her love language, and his/her love tank is full.
One of the characteristic of a strong family is that they spend time together.
#Importance of quality time
1. Meeting each other's need.
There are three basic needs to be met.
a. Emotional
b. Spiritual
c. Physical
2. It strengthens your relationship bond.
It gives room for closeness
It makes the two of you closer emotionally.
3. You get to understand your spouse more.
4. It allows growth individually and as a couple.
5. It builds stability and happiness in a relationships.
#How to spend quality time
1. Give your marriage top priority
Your family should come first
2. Have a concrete plan
Be intentional about spending time together, don't leave it to chance.
Quality time should be in your schedule.
3. Learn to be together without your children, relatives or friend
I know this might be a little difficult to do.
But all you need to do is to set out time monthly or weekly to be alone
Privacy is highly needed when spending time together
With the children and relatives are around you can't have your privacy
Children interfere with affection and intimate conversation.
4. It is advisable you go somewhere away from home to avoid any form of distraction.
You could both take a walk or go out on a date.
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